Endings. And Beginnings.

I'm sitting in the Radcliffe Camera (famous library - google it!), reading sources for Thursday's essay (characterization and cultural critique in Death and the King's Horseman). And it just hit me. I'm almost done. I have three essays and three tutorials left, and then my time at Oxford will be over. The time that I spent two years dreaming out will be over. My time of study at one of the most prestigious universities in the world, with access to infinite academic resources, will be over.

I am so excited for it to be over, as the work has been incredibly intense and I am in serious need of a break, not to mention the fact that one week from Saturday I will be shipping off to Scotland. Yet, I am incredibly saddened by this imminent conclusion. It flew by. Seemed to take forever, but in retrospect, I feel like I've just begun the term ... and it's already over. I was just getting ahead on my work, but after next week there will be no work left. How very strange.

I will miss this time in my life. It has been a stepping stone for me, I've decided. Being financially independent, self-sufficient, in charge of my education, in charge of defining myself with people who have no idea who I was before I got here ... it has shown me that I am capable of living on my own, removed from my parents, removed from college. I have nothing to fear about the future, and the independence that that future will bring. I have learned here that I am completely capable of living my own life. Not that I ever really doubted it, but this experience has increased my self-confidence on the matter. How refreshing.

That said, this is also a turning point for me. I've grown up a lot since I've been here. This is the start of a new chapter in my life, the chapter in which I will no longer be a child but will begin the journey of adulthood. That sounds incredibly trite, but it's true. It's only a matter of time before I will take on the world with my idealism and passion.

I've begun thinking about graduate schools. I've begun thinking about a career. I've begun thinking about marriage. I've considered these things before, obviously, but they always seemed far off, a part of my life that I would never really reach. Now I know that these things are approaching quickly, that they will bring a new level of richness and color to my life, that I must prepare for them now.

I've also decided that what I've been learning in classes is not enough to satiate my desire for knowledge. I have learned to be an independent studier, to take charge of my own learning, to research things that interest me, to suck the knowledge out of books and people. Consequently, I've decided to augment my knowledge by studying economics, politics, history, architecture, religions, philosophy ... all independently. Hopefully with the help of some professors at my university who don't mind sitting down with a random student who wants to learn for the sake of learning. Regardless, I want to be ... well, like my tutor, who knows everything there is to know about everything, practically. The next few years in my life will be education overload. What a thrilling concept.

All that to say this: I am incredibly excited for the future. It will bring glorious things. But for now, I am going to buckle down, write this essay, enjoy our trip to Stratford-upon-Avon tomorrow, and cherish this last week and a half as a student at Oxford University.